Who’d have guessed, when she’d seemed so aloof?
“Gosh!” he said. “Won’t your Dad hit the roof?”
“Well, he would, if he knew,”
She said, “seeing it’s you,
But he won’t, since I’ve swallowed the proof!”
Cabin fever
As the wife of a woodsman, the thing
Is, all summer it’s green, the birds sing
But, the first dump of snow,
Ain’t no place you can go,
Just get screwed, day and night, until spring!
Frontierswoman
“In the wild, huntin’ beavers ‘n’ bears,
Ain’t no puttin’ on graces ‘n’ airs;
A gal’s pussy’s fair game,
‘N’ her ass just the same…
Fuck or fight!” she said. “Fuck it. Who cares?”
On the market
Saucy look, bit more tit, bit more leg …
Yeah, like Mum says, he’s rough, a bad egg…
But she’d fuck him like that!
She’s not ugly, not fat …
Fuckin’ hell! Does a girl have to beg?
Factotum
He was body guard, butler and chauffeur,
Factotum and minder, her go-fer.
He swept, cooked her food,
When she felt in the mood,
Also gave a fair fuck on the sofa.
Impatience
She’d discreetly inserted her diaphragm.
“Maybe just lift your leg higher, Ma’am?”
God! What she’d paid
To this fool to get laid!
Must she draw him a fucking big diagram?
Not to be too fastidious
By unscrupulous means and invidious,
Dirty tricks, nasty, insidious,
Brought to his bed…
The fuck, later she said,
Was disgustingly horrid, quite hideous!
In praise of the juniper berry
To make his seduction plan viable,
Gin would be pretty reliable;
Blotto enough,
She might not give a stuff…
Or at least become frisky and pliable.
Contingency planning
- Handcuffs
- Blindfold
- KY
- Condoms
- Gag
Well, a fellow’s hard up for a shag!
Might not need them, although,
If the damn girl says no,
A fuck’s still pretty much in the bag!
Lonesome cowboy
He approached her, said “Howdy there, ma’am!
I need cash, but this ain’t no damn scam;
Just, I’m handsome and young,
And I’m pretty well-hung.
If you want a good root, here I am!”