April 2018 – Pete's Limericks

Varmint

“You damn varmint,” she cried. “Let me loose!”
”Put your cock in your pants and vamoose!”
He growled “Nice bushy hair!
I’ll be puttin’ it where
It’s most likely to be of most use!”

Flasher

Rather cheeky perhaps, a bit rash,
She’d have said no, except for the cash,
“Get your tits out and smile,”
He said. “Yeah, That’s the style!
Spread your legs a bit more, baby… FLASH!”

Jolly Roger

Back when pirates held sway and marauded,
The word was wild, harsh and disordered,
Life brutish and short,
Rape a regular sport…
Damn exciting, although rather sordid!

Second thoughts

Things have not gone according to plan,
From the moment this damn night began.
A few drinks with some friends,
Now god knows how it ends;
Naked, tied to the bed by this man!

Slim pickings

Though flat-chested and thin, a late bloomer;
That didn’t upset his good humour…
A virgin, still learning
To please the discerning,
And rather demanding consumer!

Low-hanging fruit

She was succulent! Juicy and ripe!
A bit young, if you heed all that hype
About dirty old men.
She’d have sex soon, but when?
What a pity he wasn’t that type!

The munchies

Although not one to crap on or boast,
He’s, in fact, a lot bigger than most,
And ten minutes before,
She was screaming for more …
Now she’s there, drinking tea, eating toast!

The jealous wife

There she was, wearin’ nary a stitch,
With my husband, the slutty damn bitch!
I said, aimin’ my gun,
“Dirty cunt! Havin’ fun?”
She said “Shoot me! Just scratchin’ an itch.”