unfaithful – Pete's Limericks

Redeeming virtues

Though her husband drinks, gambles, fucks whores,
She still loves him, in spite of of his flaws…
He’s a nice guy… he’s rich…
A big house, a yacht, which
Isn’t why… it’s just like… just because.

The itch

It ain’t fun anymore… fucking boring!
Her husband’s passed out. Drunk and snoring…
She’s horny as hell,
And she thinks “What the hell…
Call her girlfriend, go drinking and whoring!”

My bad

She’d felt guilty, alright, just a tad…
She’d been screwing around, yeah… like mad!
Till that night, at the end,
When she’d fucked his best friend…
Mmm, she thought. Yeah, well, kinda my bad.

Fair’s fair

Quite convinced that her husband had strayed,
in which case, she was rather afraid,
If she told him she knew,
He might leave! What to do…
But maybe go out, get herself laid!

Splitting hairs

Listen, darling, she said. Though you’re sweet,
Being faithful’s just so obsolete!
Just consider your luck!
You’ve still got me to fuck,
And I’m upfront… it’s not like I cheat!

Indiscretion

“I’ve done something a bit indiscreet,”
She said. “Not that it’s like me to cheat…
Though I know that you do…
So I thought that I’d screw
A small group of your buddies, my sweet!”

Tweet bloody tweet!

She was quite understandably bitter,
To find out the worst on damn twitter…
Kids tucked into bed…
Found a message that said
“Yo! @badguys. Just fucked my kids’ sitter!

Loyalty

“It was dark, boss. The window was foggy,”
He said, his suit muddy and soggy.
“I’d still bet my life,
Though, the broad was your wife,
An’ buck naked, an’ gettin’ it doggy!”

Mitigation

“”Yes, I promised to love and obey…
And I wouldn’t have fucked him. No way!
It was just some damn bloke!”
She said. “Kind of a joke…
And I just sucked his cock, like. Okay?”