Tag: limerick

Pick-up

He was big and a handsome dumb brute,
Never seen the inside of a suit,
And the way she was dressed
Made him bold to suggest
“Do you fancy a ride in my ute?”

With a logic that’s hard to refute,
She said “Alright. Why not? What a hoot!”
They’d gone twice round the block
When he pulled out his cock
And said “So… are you up for a root?”

She was struck momentarily mute,
Being virgin, and not too astute,
But he had a hot car,
And she’d ventured this far,
She said “Yeah, just pull out when you shoot.”

Her confession at home caused dispute:
She seemed proud of her new ill repute.
“Have you no sense of shame?”
“What about your good name?”
She replied “What the fuck? It was beaut!”

The Officers’ Mess

Through his Cuban cigar, over port,
The old Colonel complained with a snort:
“My wife wants it on top!
We men must call a stop,
And make women behave as they ought!”

Said old Major Brown, “Jolly good show!
It’s debasing to fuck from below!
We must take it to court:
Women have to be taught
What they should, if they don’t, bloody know!”

Said the Captain, “It’s, after all, sport:
Woman’s role’s to be chased till she’s caught!
A root’s just not a root
Without headlong pursuit,
Not unless it’s expensively bought!”

From the Sergeant, by way of retort,
Was heard “Balderdash! None of the sort!
I belong to that school
Which says man’s but a fool,
If he buys what he might have for nought!”

Said the Major, “I’ve just had a thought,
For the perils with which sex is fraught.
We have all had the pox
From some upper class box:
I myself have a large penile wart!”

At this last, said the Colonel, “Aha!
We’re perhaps better off as we are:
I’m too old for the hunt,
Be it fox, boar or cunt!
I suggest we return to the bar.”