pete – Page 103 – Pete's Limericks

Overcome

She would, later on, frequently wonder where
Things went wrong. Touching him, under there!
Something came over her…
There in the clover… her
Tits… face… hands… belly and underwear!

The existentiality of intercourse

She thought sex, just like food, quite essential.
Her lovers were mostly sequential…
Though some were extraneous…
Contemporaneous…
(All of this quite confidential.)

Anthropology 102

Sex is simply arranged by the Maoris,
All done by the payment of dowries;
A fellow might pay
For a virgin, let’s say,
A few pigs and a basket of cowries.

Pre-feminism

With a pussy as snug as a thimble,
Athletic, inventive and nimble,
She loved a good root,
But her great disrepute
Made her less than a feminist symbol!

Hard luck story

Her professions of love were all sham,
Cries of being hard up just a scam.
He suggested a fuck
Might perhaps change her luck
But, quite frankly, he gave not a damn!

Good night, Sir Knight

Knightly heroes, in sonnet and ballad,
Saved maidens, soft, gentle and pallid,
From dragons and such,
Who said “Thanks very much!
Want a root?” (Strike out “virgin”. Not valid.)

That prepubertal look

Electrolysis, wax or just shave?
Bushy’s strictly reserved for the brave!
Modern girls by the million
Have gone the Brazilian,
The sign of the sexual slave.

Shaving’s tricky though; all that damn trouble
With razor and soap, froth and bubble,
The scratches and nicks,
Then, when somebody licks,
That embarrassing five o’clock stubble!

Book of the month

It’s your time of the month, and you’re bleeding;
You’re better off lying or pleading
A headache, some bug,
Than to pull out the plug.
Just say no and catch up on your reading.

Period. Full stop.

Bloody periods, monthlies, the curse!
Bloody tampons fall out of your purse.
Not much chance of a fuck,
A girl’s shit out of luck,
Nor of being gone down on, what’s worse!