proposition – Pete's Limericks

Decision time

“I’m not handsome, I’m sallow and pasty,
But don’t say no, girl… don’t be hasty…”
He said… “I’m big, young,
And I’m bloody well hung…
And I reckon your cunt will be tasty!”

Between the lines

Though the sentiments written were tender,
She firmly wrote “Return to sender”…
His words of love moot,
She was sure a root
Was most certainly on his agenda.

The direct approach

Though it’s not, strictly speaking, correct,
If the young lady doesn’t object,
You can bypass the hours
Of small talk and flowers,
And go to the fucking direct!

Getting to the point

Said my dad, “Lad, seduction’s an art:
There are three ways to win a girl’s heart.
You can say it with flowers,
Or verse, which takes hours,
Or just say “Lie down, legs apart!”

Invitation

“Did you like,” she said, “watching me pee?
Wanna root? You can do me DP!
Come to mine. Bring a friend!”
And before she pressed SEND,
“Maybe anal too. RSVP”

Remark of Zorro

“Señorita, it gives me great sorrow…
I can’t stay to fuck you,” said Zorro.
“You’re beautiful nude,
But I’m hotly pursued…
Do not dress… I shall come back tomorrow!”

Red flags aflutter

Oh God! Wonders, it seems, never cease!
His outrageously sexy young niece,
Half nude, fresh out of bed,
Has just twerked him and said
“Like my ass? Wanna tear off a piece?”