AO – Page 331 – Pete's Limericks

Satyricon

Horned and hooved, with a long shaggy coat;
A man’s torso, hind parts of a goat!
Being fucked by a satyr …
Not good, but worse, later,
That rank, slimy prick down her throat!

Interior monologue

God, she thought, I must have a damn jinx!
A guy gives me the eye, and he winks.
And I think, yeah, that’s good.
I could fuck him! I should!
But we never get further than drinks!

Lamarckian evolution

Human woman: a curious mammal.
Lips painted, claws shiny enamel,
Tits rather too big,
A cunt shaped like a fig,
Or a clam, or the toe of a camel.

Logical fallacy

God! Men’s logic was so hard to follow!
He’d dumped her! She felt sort of hollow.
What more could she do?
Gave him head, fucked him too!
Maybe threesomes? Or else learn to swallow.

Antisocial media

Well of course, she was sort of offended,
Not only because it had ended,
Her Facebook romance…
Once he’d got in her pants…
It was more being fucked… then un-friended.

The scale of things

“I’d have done it before, if I’d known!”
She said, “Shit, it beats wanking alone!”
“So, was losing my cherry
Traumatic? Not very.
Much less, say, than losing my phone!”

The sap rising

The old girl was still cheeky and spry.
“My tits droop, but my pussy ain’t dry!”
She exclaimed with a grin.
“Go ahead. Stick it in!
Goodness knows, it’s at least worth a try!”

Vagina dentata

In old myths the vagina dentata
Made men-folk persona non grata.
Men braving the curse
Lost their pricks! Sometimes worse!
A quick blow-job might just have been smarter!

Raison d’être

Young French mothers, their children in crêches,
Bathe, shave, powder, perfume their fleshes,
And have liaisons
In hôtels or maisons,
Which wild appetite each fuck refreshes!