pete – Page 42 – Pete's Limericks

First kiss

There was a young girl from Moruya;
Just had her first kiss! Hallelujah!
She whispered to Mum,
Who came over all glum,
And said “Next, he’ll be wantin’ to screw ya!”

Value judgement

“Bein’ faithful ain’t worth a plugged nickel!”
She said. “I ain’t sayin’ a gal should be fickle,
But fuck! What’s the harm,
When men turn on the charm,
In a bit of good ol’ slap ‘n’ tickle?”

Switch-hitter

She remained still naive and complacent,
Her sweet sexuality nascent…
The treacherous bloke
Switched his target mid-stroke…
From her cunt to the hole just adjacent!

Heads or tails?

If you’d tried giving head, which she had,
You’d most likely, like her, have been glad
To go straight to the fuck,
(And just skip the damn suck),
Which, in retrospect, wasn’t so bad.

Beguiled

Though voluptuous, rather a child,
She was easily charmed and beguiled;
Flattered, wildly impressed,
She was swiftly undressed,
And deflowered, debauched and defiled.

Who’d have guessed, when she’d seemed so aloof?
“Gosh!” he said. “Won’t your Dad hit the roof?”
“Well, he would, if he knew,”
She said, “seeing it’s you,
But he won’t, since I’ve swallowed the proof!”

Cabin fever

As the wife of a woodsman, the thing
Is, all summer it’s green, the birds sing
But, the first dump of snow,
Ain’t no place you can go,
Just get screwed, day and night, until spring!

Frontierswoman

“In the wild, huntin’ beavers ‘n’ bears,
Ain’t no puttin’ on graces ‘n’ airs;
A gal’s pussy’s fair game,
‘N’ her ass just the same…
Fuck or fight!” she said. “Fuck it. Who cares?”

Author: pete