My friend, Lucy has torn a meniscus,
Through throwing the hammer and discus;
She also takes drugs,
And it hurts when she hugs;
She’s a muscular lady, with whiskers.
Author: admin
Involutional melancholia
Involutional-type melancholia
Often turns old ladies holier,
Dreaming of nights
Of forbidden delights,
‘Neath their parents’ old oak or magnolia.
Surgery
By surgeon, what’s commonly meant
Is a dextrous, meticulous gent,
Who applies to one’s skin
Objects pointed and thin,
With presumed therapeutic intent.
Intrauterine devices
An imprudent young girl used a key
As a do-it-yourself IUD,
And with this poor immunity,
Screwed with impunity…
George, her small son, is now three.
Behcet’s Syndrome
There’s a disease going round Istanbul,
Which I mean to describe here in full;
It affects, just between us,
The eyes, mouth and penis
Of Ahmed, Hassim and Abdul.
They have terrible ulcers and sores,
Which were caught, they had thought from the whores,
But it’s since been decided,
Their doctor confided,
That Behcet’s disease is the cause.
They all have a leucocytosis,
And Ahmed’s developed a ptosis;
Hassim spends all day
Eating charcoal and clay,
And Abdul has a sort of psychosis.
There’s trouble as well with their eyes,
For their retinal vessels leak dyes;
They have large joint arthritis
And thrombophlebitis;
Their gangrenous feet attract flies.
Cerebral infarction
A theatrical lady called Iris
Contracted a serious virus;
She screamed, crossed her eyes,
Clutched her breast, splayed her thighs
And infarcted her cingulate gyrus!
Hypertension
When your blood pressure starts to get high,
As it may, without telling us why,
It will wear out your heart,
You may bleed when you fart,
And one day unexpectedly die!
Halitosis
When it comes to the dread halitosis,
The reason, I’m led to suppose, is
Neglect of the gums
Or the licking of bums
Or else tonsillar lymphoid necrosis.
Haematemesis
The spewing of blood, haematemesis,
Has long been the scourge and the nemesis
Of nervous dyspeptics
Despite certain sceptics,
And patrons of pubs (licenced premises.)
Obstetrics and gynaecology
Oh the joys of the old obs and gynae!
The lovely introitus vaginae,
The labia minor,
That frame the vagina,
The whole thing, rosaceous and shiny!