November 2014 – Pete's Limericks

Flattery will get you everywhere

He brought flowers and sweet-talked and flattered her;
Giggling and wriggling, she batted her
Eyelids, tits squeezed
Round his cock, which she teased,
Till he came like a fountain and splattered her!

Maidenhead revisited

He gets part-way in, gives it a nudge,
Tries again, but her hymen won’t budge!
She says “Have one more go.
Fucking just do it!” So
A man shouldn’t, of course, hold a grudge.

Hole-in-one

The best thing about having this hole in one,
Simply, is sex, on the whole, is fun!
Lovely to know
One’s golf partner or pro
Can with ease, after drinks, sink a hole-in-one!

Saying the right thing

Well, of course it felt strange; it would, clearly.
Still, it affected her queerly,
Up, deep inside.
“Yes, that’s lovely!” she lied,
Like a tummy upset, sort of, merely.

The object of desire

A true gentleman rightly defers
To the lady, asks which she prefers…
The verb “fuck”, furthermore,
Needs an object, before
One can know to which hole it refers.

Breakfast in bed

Her cunt smelt like fresh sourdough bread,
Tasted salty, sweet, yeasty, he said,
And he kissed her, to share.
She said “Get back down there!
Who needs breakfast? Just eat me instead!”

Maid in China

Tā shì hěn fēijīchăng, wǒ zhīdao,
Kěshì hěn xĭhuan kǒujiāo hé cào!
Měi yī tiān, měi ge wăn,
Tā yào chuī xião, chăo fàn!
Wǒ hěn gāoxìng, wǒ sān cì dă pào!

她是很飞机场，我知道，

可是很喜欢口交和肏操。

每一天，每个晚

她要吹箫，炒饭！

我很高兴，我三次打泡！

She’s as flat as a pancake, I know,
But gives great head, and never says no!
She’d fuck all day and night,
Give me blow jobs… Alright!
I’ll come once, twice, three times in a row!

Month: November 2014