I’ve been told the Swiss do it on skis,
Where the organs of lesser men freeze.
It takes judgement and balance,
But such are their talents,
They do it with consummate ease!
Tag: limerick
Unspeakable
There’s a certain old Bedouin sheik
Who can make a fuck last for a week,
At the finish of which
The girls commonly twitch,
And at times are unable to speak.
Working it out, working it in
If from sex your girl tends to recoil,
Refusing to come to the boil,
Part her lips by the hair
(if she doesn’t go bare)
And resort to the old olive oil.
Pleasing herself
Having long been a lady of leisure,
She sought each day new carnal pleasure,
With men or with boys,
Or with various toys,
And bananas were just made-to-measure.
Maid to measure
An eccentric, but clever inventor,
A bit of a social dissenter.
Constructed a doll
With a pulsatile hole,
And a suction device at the centre.
Check… mate!
He was huge, he was hard, he was hot.
She, alas, had too tiny a twat.
They had reached an impasse,
Till she offered her arse,
Which, though virginal, took the whole lot!
Fuck a duck
The remarkable muscovy duck
Has perfected the aerial fuck:
By aligning their slots
At the right speed, in knots,
It’s no longer a matter of luck!”
Socket tester
Said a smug electrician, called Crockett,
“I’ve something right here in my pocket,
The big end of which
Will delightfully twitch,
When I plug it snug into your socket!”
Elementary
Holmes said “Watson, we have here a clue:
As to who perpetrated this screw.
I can tell by the smell
Of this seminal gel
That the rapist was seven feet two.”
Boredom
When your sex-life’s become a big bore,
There are options one ought to explore,
Such as fantasy roles,
Trying different holes,
Public places, new partners and more!
Try a threesome one night with a whore,
Try positions you’ve not tried before!
The perversions are fun,
You may find, when once done:
Don’t be shy, lighten up, break the law!