Tag: limerick

An earful

To be just a wee bit hard of hearing,
In old chaps, is rather endearing,
And codgers thus blessed
May lean close to one’s breast,
Which they should, of course, do without leering!

Rent boy

A pathetically penniless gent
Fucks his landlord’s wife, Maude, for the rent:
Though she’s large and unsightly
He rogers her nightly,
Then creeps back to bed, when he’s spent!

Ugliness

A fastidious lady called Florence,
Professes enormous abhorrence
For man’s proudest portion,
Quite out of proportion
To that which its ugliness warrants!

The flirt

She was known around town as a flirt,
Strutting round in her little short skirt.
She went drinking in bars,
And she never wore bras;
You could see her tits, right through her shirt!

All the mums in the town were alert,
Watching out for young Tom, Dick or Bert,
Who would all cop a  wallop
If caught with this trollop,
With nipples so pointy and pert!

When they spoke to her, women were curt,
(In suspenders and step-ins well-girt),
She was called slut and whore,
And a loose bitch and more:
She was even called “that piece of dirt!”

At the pub, though, the men-folk would blurt,
“I could fuck that sweet bitch till it hurt!”
They did nothing, of course,
For the fear of divorce
And disgrace kept their organs inert.

But young boys’ sleeping organs would spurt,
Like whipped cream on a jelly dessert,
And they’d wake in their beds,
With that girl in their heads,
As their cocks gave one last lonely squirt.

Undress rehearsal

“Please be gentle!” she said. “You’re my first!”
With a tear in her eye and lips pursed.
Said he, wise to her game,
“All you girls are the same:
Never done it, but damn well rehearsed!”

Be prepared

My ex-girlfriend (and boy, do I mean ex)
Wore dresses with deep plunging v-necks.
She never went out,
Even shopping, without
Condoms, lubricant jelly and Kleenex!