Having long been a lady of leisure,
She sought each day new carnal pleasure,
With men or with boys,
Or with various toys,
And bananas were just made-to-measure.
Tag: limerick
Maid to measure
An eccentric, but clever inventor,
A bit of a social dissenter.
Constructed a doll
With a pulsatile hole,
And a suction device at the centre.
Check… mate!
He was huge, he was hard, he was hot.
She, alas, had too tiny a twat.
They had reached an impasse,
Till she offered her arse,
Which, though virginal, took the whole lot!
Fuck a duck
The remarkable muscovy duck
Has perfected the aerial fuck:
By aligning their slots
At the right speed, in knots,
It’s no longer a matter of luck!”
Socket tester
Said a smug electrician, called Crockett,
“I’ve something right here in my pocket,
The big end of which
Will delightfully twitch,
When I plug it snug into your socket!”
Elementary
Holmes said “Watson, we have here a clue:
As to who perpetrated this screw.
I can tell by the smell
Of this seminal gel
That the rapist was seven feet two.”
Boredom
When your sex-life’s become a big bore,
There are options one ought to explore,
Such as fantasy roles,
Trying different holes,
Public places, new partners and more!
Try a threesome one night with a whore,
Try positions you’ve not tried before!
The perversions are fun,
You may find, when once done:
Don’t be shy, lighten up, break the law!
Alley cat
Though it looked much too big for her belly,
By using petroleum jelly,
Determined to screw it,
Before she quite knew it,
She found it was right up her alley!
Stopper
There was nothing at which she would baulk,
Given just a short string and a cork:
What was simply retrieved
Thus, she firmly believed,
A fool-proof way of thwarting the stork.
The shape of things to cum
A young lady with features angelic
Got off on most anything phallic:
Paint-brushes or pencils,
Or kitchen utensils
And dildos of wood or metallic.