limerick – Page 48 – Pete's Limericks

In your dreams

Though Miss Alison Armstrong may seem,
With her pigtails and peaches-and-cream,
To be shy and naive,
One would never believe
She does things of which one wouldn’t dream!

Unlikeable

An unlikeable woman, called Ritchie,
Is vulgar, ill-mannered and bitchy:
She’s contantly rude,
Goes about in the nude,
And she scratches her cunt when it’s itchy.

Errant ways

After two or three glasses of wine,
She said, “Let’s our legs intertwine!
Forgiving’s but mortal,”
She said with a chortle:
“To err though, is simply divine!”

The rider ridden

She was crippled with guilt and remorse,
Which her pain would, of course, reinforce,
For an indiscreet act,
(All now after the fact),
Which betokened her love for her horse.

Let joy not be unconfined

Lady Lester protects her good name,
And is safe from all scandal and shame:
She takes care not to shout,
Lest the word get about
That while fucking the vicar, she came!

Meat

Said Miss Mosely, “Good Lord, you are lewd,
To allow through your fly to protrude,
Your preposterous meat
Where it may, in the street,
By respectable spinsters be viewed!”

The milkman

Mrs Jones gave the milk-man a hug,
On the very same living room rug,
Upon which, by the stains,
They’d just fucked, which explains
Why she looked so decidedly smug.

He was big and a handsome dumb brute,
Never seen the inside of a suit,
And the way she was dressed
Made him bold to suggest
“Do you fancy a ride in my ute?”

With a logic that’s hard to refute,
She said “Alright. Why not? What a hoot!”
They’d gone twice round the block
When he pulled out his cock
And said “So… are you up for a root?”

She was struck momentarily mute,
Being virgin, and not too astute,
But he had a hot car,
And she’d ventured this far,
She said “Yeah, just pull out when you shoot.”

Her confession at home caused dispute:
She seemed proud of her new ill repute.
“Have you no sense of shame?”
“What about your good name?”
She replied “What the fuck? It was beaut!”

Tag: limerick