PG – Page 27 – Pete's Limericks

The frog-prince

Rapt, bewitched, she became uninhibited;
Intimate parts she exhibited,
Keen to convince
Her enchanted frog-prince
To transform, but, alas, “No,” he ribbited.

Naughty, but nice

Santa gave her young titties a squeeze.
“You’ve been naughty,” he said, with a wheeze,
“So I’m going to spank you.”
“Gosh! Yes!” she said, “Thank you!
And fuck me then too, Santa, please!”

The evening of the day

Though a bit geriatric, Mick Jagger
Still puts on the hip-thrust and swagger,
Attempting to show
That, just as long ago,
He’s a randy, inveterate shagger.

Cause and effect

There are possible causative links
Between how much a young woman drinks
And if, how, where and when
She’ll have sex with strange men.
And, when groped, if she just smiles and winks.

Grey cats in the dark

She’d got pregnant, but who was to blame?
Tom? Dick? Harry? Some other first name?
Perhaps no name at all!
She just couldn’t recall.
In the dark they’d all seemed much the same.

Greek virgins

Be it myth, or else be it historical,
Greek girls consulted the oracle,
Vestal or not,
Virgins all, to ask what
The gods thought about sex (just rhetorical).

The dark prince

In her sleep her hand strayed to her crutch;
In her dreams her loins thrilled to the touch
Of a tall handsome prince
And, alas, ever since,
Mortal men have seemed dull, pretty much.

Exultant

Being sultan, it meant he could levy
On tribal chiefs tribute quite heavy;
Gold, wine, a nice horse,
Pretty virgins of course.
Of the latter he now had a bevy!

The eye of the needle

He had worshiped her long, from afar;
Now, at last, as he murmured “Aha!”
She was naked. She sighed.
Her thighs parted, not wide,
But at least just a little ajar!