AO – Page 265 – Pete's Limericks

Heads or tails?

If you’d tried giving head, which she had,
You’d most likely, like her, have been glad
To go straight to the fuck,
(And just skip the damn suck),
Which, in retrospect, wasn’t so bad.

Beguiled

Though voluptuous, rather a child,
She was easily charmed and beguiled;
Flattered, wildly impressed,
She was swiftly undressed,
And deflowered, debauched and defiled.

Who’d have guessed, when she’d seemed so aloof?
“Gosh!” he said. “Won’t your Dad hit the roof?”
“Well, he would, if he knew,”
She said, “seeing it’s you,
But he won’t, since I’ve swallowed the proof!”

Cabin fever

As the wife of a woodsman, the thing
Is, all summer it’s green, the birds sing
But, the first dump of snow,
Ain’t no place you can go,
Just get screwed, day and night, until spring!

Frontierswoman

“In the wild, huntin’ beavers ‘n’ bears,
Ain’t no puttin’ on graces ‘n’ airs;
A gal’s pussy’s fair game,
‘N’ her ass just the same…
Fuck or fight!” she said. “Fuck it. Who cares?”

Factotum

He was body guard, butler and chauffeur,
Factotum and minder, her go-fer.
He swept, cooked her food,
When she felt in the mood,
Also gave a fair fuck on the sofa.

Impatience

She’d discreetly inserted her diaphragm.
“Maybe just lift your leg higher, Ma’am?”
God! What she’d paid
To this fool to get laid!
Must she draw him a fucking big diagram?

Not to be too fastidious

By unscrupulous means and invidious,
Dirty tricks, nasty, insidious,
Brought to his bed…
The fuck, later she said,
Was disgustingly horrid, quite hideous!

Category: AO