pete – Page 105 – Pete's Limericks

On the market

No damn bra, short dress, strap off her shoulder,
Lip gloss, pancake rouge, pout and smoulder!
Mouth spray, condoms, key,
Cigarettes, fake ID.
In the right light, she’ll pass for much older!

She’s a keeper

There’s a pretty young girl what ‘e pampers
Wiv silk things n jewels n champers.
“E says “Gimme head!”
Or like “Get into bed!”
And she don’t muck about, like, she scampers!

Low rent area

She just hitched up her dress, looking bored;
The drab room, grimy sheets he ignored,
She was pretty enough,
Though a bit hard and rough,
But was all the poor man could afford.

The tryst

Thursday lunchtime, their regular tryst.
She was naked already. They kissed…
Fucked… She got up to pee,
Made a nice cup of tea.
Risk, intrigue… and guilt… That’s what he missed.

Cyrano de Bergerac

Poor Cyrano, big nose, big moustache,
Still effected a certain panache,
But Roxanne (what a shock!)
Said she wished that his cock
Was as big as his nose! A bit harsh.

Apollo

That olympian fucker, Apollo,
A bit of a hard act to follow,
Could root nymphs for hours,
His priapic powers
Incredible! (Well, hard to swallow.)

Fickle fortune

She was strait-laced, a prude and a stickler…
Her husband could not have been fickler…
One night, just for fun,
He quite brought her undone,
With champagne and a rubber French tickler/

Skinning a cat

Though his plan to seduce her was thwarted,
She nonetheless offered assorted
Alternative ways
To delight and amaze,
And he came so damn hard his eyes watered!

Fair call

“You’re a damned slut!” her husband said snidely.
“Well, yes, I do spread myself widely”,
She said, with a smile.
“It’s more fun, by a mile,
Than to sit round and scratch my cunt idly!”