Every time Howard’s sex-organ firms
He gets anxious, and fidgets and squirms:
He can’t contemplate sex,
So intense and complex
Is his deep morbid fear of germs!
Author: admin
The lady at her toilet
With her long silky hair in loose coils,
She bathes nightly in Indian oils,
Anoints her vagina
With perfumes from China:
Oh, fortunate man she thus spoils!
Belittlement
Mister Treverton’s ego was brittle,
Because his poor dick was so little:
His girlfriend, in fact,
Rather lacking in tact,
Said she’d rather her finger and spittle.
A guiding hand
With her knees by her ears, the bride
Placed a hand on her husband to guide:
Though he had the idea,
And prodded quite near,
He couldn’t quite get it inside.
Faint hope and chastity
The knight’s wife in her chastity belt,
In the church, where she piously knelt,
Where she’d gone to confess,
Cursed her God, nonetheless,
For the lot in this life she’d been dealt.
For the blacksmith such passion she felt,
When she saw him her poor heart would melt,
Pain she could not assuage,
With her cunt in a cage,
And what’s more, she was certain she smelt!
Days are lonely, knights are cold
Though Sir John was a chivalrous charmer,
His life, thought his wife, was all drama:
All banquets and battles,
And squeaking and rattles,
And clanking about in his armour.
Though he swore he’d let no villain harm her,
His wife, more prosaic and calmer,
Wished, just to herself,
She’d been left on the shelf,
Or gone off and just married a farmer.
Sex education
The vagina is solidly wrought,
For the process of fucking is fraught
With such risk to the joints
And the innermost points
That it has to be carefully taught.
Spirited
When young ladies drink vodka or whisky,
It makes them feel naughty and frisky:
They shed inhibitions,
Defy prohibitions,
And do things in bad taste and risky.
Blood sport
An unmarried man’s not to be trusted,
Although he be smooth as egg custard,
For many’s the story,
Pathetic and gory,
Of girls’ hearts and maidenheads busted!
Well hung
A young squire was trapped by his tongue,
In a chastity belt that was sprung:
He was saved from this plight,
By her husband, the knight,
To be after drawn, quartered and hung!