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Electrolysis, wax or just shave?
Bushy’s strictly reserved for the brave!
Modern girls by the million
Have gone the Brazilian,
The sign of the sexual slave.
Shaving’s tricky though; all that damn trouble
With razor and soap, froth and bubble,
The scratches and nicks,
Then, when somebody licks,
That embarrassing five o’clock stubble!
It’s your time of the month, and you’re bleeding;
You’re better off lying or pleading
A headache, some bug,
Than to pull out the plug.
Just say no and catch up on your reading.
Bloody periods, monthlies, the curse!
Bloody tampons fall out of your purse.
Not much chance of a fuck,
A girl’s shit out of luck,
Nor of being gone down on, what’s worse!
“Men!” she said. “They don’t know how it feels!
Half starved all the time, skipping meals!
And waxing our pubes!
Saving up for new boobs!
Fucking g-strings, and fucking high heels!”
Said a puzzled young woman from Venus,
“This Homo’s a curious genus;
They hang round in bars,
Like those pricks up on Mars,
Paying women to sit on their penis!”
Though her parents were watchful and doting,
One Sunday, at Oxford, out boating,
A fellow called Howard, her
Cousin, deflowered her,
Both, of course, secretly gloating!
Southern belle, Mississipppi’s fair jewel,
But cold-hearted, wicked and cruel,
On many a morning
She stood watching, yawning,
Two lovers engaged in a duel!
Everything to her husband’s a crisis,
A lost phone, the stock-market prices.
Annoying, no doubt,
But to help him chill out,
A quick fuck or a blow job suffices.
The poor man, mooning round like a calf!
Quite besotted, it seemed! One must laugh!
Yes… it was a mistake…
But one fuck? For God’s sake…
Though in front of the whole household staff!
When he said “Want a root?” she said “Yeah”,
Though she seemed not to very much care.
She just went through the motions,
Deadpan, no emotions,
At best, sort of vaguely aware.