July 2011 – Page 3 – Pete's Limericks

Whispering sweet nothings

She’s a quaint anatomical freak;
She tells men her vagina can speak,
Then she giggles and strips,
And she can move her lips,
But her pussy can’t do more than squeak.

Heart in his mouth

She undresses; he stammers and gawks,
His heart thumps, his eyes hang out on stalks.
She says “What? Still half-dressed?
Shall I help with the rest?”
“Yes, and don’t start without me!” he squawks.

The earth moved

Gasping, panting, she struggled to speak;
She convulsed, though exhausted and weak.
As he roared in orgasm,
She arched with his spasm,
And came with an answering shriek!

A different complexion

By the lamplight, he sees, as he peeks,
Her full lips and her plump, rosy cheeks,
Her long, curly, dark hair;
He continues to stare:
It’s a glimpse of her face that he seeks!

Resignation

Her expression was bored and resigned,
As her boss had his way from behind:
When asked “How was your day?”
By her mother, she’d say
“Oh, you know. Just the usual grind.”

Put it down to experience

“It’s your first time”, he said, “I’ll be gentle,
I won’t get too experimental.”
But what could she do,
When he buggered her too,
Saying “Whoops! That was quite accidental” ?

Reality check

He decided he’d just be direct,
And said “Great tits! You wouldn’t object
If I had a quick feel,
To see if they’re real?”
“They were”, she said, “last time I checked.”

Suspicion

When he squeezed, he began to suspect
She had fake tits, which, were he correct,
Might persuade him to quit,
So he tickled her clit,
To distract her a bit while he checked.

Turning the other cheek

When she laughed, and she called him a wanker,
He chose not to give in to rancour,
But said “We shall see”,
Put her over his knee,
And then pulled down her panties to spank her!