sex education

The vagina is solidly wrought,
For the process of fucking is fraught
With such risk to the joints
And the innermost points
That it has to be carefully taught.

Sex education

Being fucked, she thought, must be quite nice…
What that meant, she could not be precise…
Mothers, aunties, though, did it
(They whispered and hid it…)
“Please Mummy, I need some advice!”

The birds and the bees

“Where did babykins come from?” said Mummy.
“A seed Daddy put in my tummy…
In here… in front…
In my nice mummy-cunt…
Not my mouth… though it is rather yummy!”

If wishes were fishes

“It’s no use just wishing and hoping,
Just sitting around all day, moping.
Dress up!” said her Mum.
“Twitch your tits and your bum,
And go out, get yourself a good groping!”

Healthy curiosity

With a mother and father so stern,
When she so much desired to learn,
When her heart was on fire,
Consumed with desire,
To fuck, (There!) to whom could she turn?

Father knows best

“Fuck her pussy, then give her a flip,”
Said his Dad. “And son, don’t take no lip!
Do her butthole as well!
Though she’ll buck and she’ll yell,
God gave women them titties to grip!”

Brothers in arms

“Get her panties off. That’s half the battle!
Don’t waste time on small talk and prattle.”
His brother advised.
“While she’s actin’ surprised,
Fuck her hard, buddy, make her teeth rattle!”

The birds and the bees

“Women, son, have a part underneath,”
Said his Dad,”a pink hole, like a sheath,
And, of course, this is there
To be fucked, but take care.
Some, I’ve heard, are like coon traps, with teeth!”

Plum in her mouth

Just at home, but her accent still plummy,
At breakfast she said “You know, Mummy,
I know we discussed
Sex and all that. It’s just …
Well, you never said semen’s so yummy!”

Sex education for Catholics

Then her mother said “Mind my words, Brigid.
Men’s pricks are always halfway rigid.
Don’t go tempting fate;
Once it’s done, it’s too late!
Keep your panties on, act like you’re frigid.”