The young waitress, a pert little tart,
Said “Buffet? Or you want a la carte?”
He liked what he saw…
“Let’s say twenty bucks more,
And I get to eat you… just to start!”
Excelsior!
Well, it didn’t do much to inspire,
Her saying “Sir, may I enquire,
Is that all you’ve got,
And if, hopefully, not,
Could you push it in harder and higher?”
It is what it is
Life proceeds in fits starts, bolts and flashes;
For lovers’ tiffs, intimate rashes,
Whatever life brings,
The sweet pleasures, the stings,
Embrace all! Soon it’s ashes to ashes!
The rough with the smooth
Her upbringing was godly and stuffy;
She’d come home, though, drunk, eyelids puffy,
A just-rooted grin,
Having opted to sin,
And, by choice, with boys rowdy and scruffy!
Taking him down a peg
The young whore said, and couldn’t be blunter,
“I’d not call the arrogant cunt a
Big player. No way!
He’s a lousy damn lay,
Just another damn dumb fuckin’ punter!”
In flagrante delicto
Though he claimed to have been bloody slandered,
He’d gambled and boozed and philandered,
And worse, truth to tell,
Fucked young schoolgirls as well,
At which practice he’d been caught red-handed!
Truth in advertising
“Virgin. Eighteen. Great body. Superb!”
So it said in the newspaper blurb.
He drove by, as you do,
But the only thing new
Was a small-titted kid on the kerb.
Chivalry is dead
Bold Sir Percy, still flushed from the joust,
Became amorous, being well soused.
”It’s a very fine lance;
Put it back in your pants!”,
The outraged Lady Gwendoline roused.
His pound of flesh
In the end, he became quite irate.
“Since you’re charging me such a high rate”,
He roared. “ Bugger the licks,
And your clever damn tricks,
Get your cunt on my cock and gyrate!”
Double feature
“God,” he said. “ I just love fucking twins;
The same woman in two matching skins!
A man’s hard put to know
In which hole he should go,
Where one ends, and the other begins!