An imprudent young girl used a key
As a do-it-yourself IUD,
And with this poor immunity,
Screwed with impunity…
George, her small son, is now three.
Behcet’s Syndrome
There’s a disease going round Istanbul,
Which I mean to describe here in full;
It affects, just between us,
The eyes, mouth and penis
Of Ahmed, Hassim and Abdul.
They have terrible ulcers and sores,
Which were caught, they had thought from the whores,
But it’s since been decided,
Their doctor confided,
That Behcet’s disease is the cause.
They all have a leucocytosis,
And Ahmed’s developed a ptosis;
Hassim spends all day
Eating charcoal and clay,
And Abdul has a sort of psychosis.
There’s trouble as well with their eyes,
For their retinal vessels leak dyes;
They have large joint arthritis
And thrombophlebitis;
Their gangrenous feet attract flies.
Cerebral infarction
A theatrical lady called Iris
Contracted a serious virus;
She screamed, crossed her eyes,
Clutched her breast, splayed her thighs
And infarcted her cingulate gyrus!
Hypertension
When your blood pressure starts to get high,
As it may, without telling us why,
It will wear out your heart,
You may bleed when you fart,
And one day unexpectedly die!
Halitosis
When it comes to the dread halitosis,
The reason, I’m led to suppose, is
Neglect of the gums
Or the licking of bums
Or else tonsillar lymphoid necrosis.
Haematemesis
The spewing of blood, haematemesis,
Has long been the scourge and the nemesis
Of nervous dyspeptics
Despite certain sceptics,
And patrons of pubs (licenced premises.)
Obstetrics and gynaecology
Oh the joys of the old obs and gynae!
The lovely introitus vaginae,
The labia minor,
That frame the vagina,
The whole thing, rosaceous and shiny!
Ocular foreign bodies
If perchance you are caught in a gust
And your eye is insulted by dust,
Although God knows it’s tryin’
Thank God it ain’t iron,
Which tends to get in there and rust.
Fundoscopy
The world of the ocular fundus
Is eighth of the natural wonders;
It’s only plain prudence
For medical students
To know of things in there that stunned us.
Though your sightseeing tour be brisk,
Skirt the edges, it’s well worth the risk;
See the much-discussed macula,
Though not spectacular;
Certainly, don’t miss the disc!
Stool examination
If you’re one of those misguided fools
With a perverse obsession with stools,
If you must prod and sniff,
Then it’s preferable if
You at least wait until the stuff cools.