A certain young medical student
Was thought by his colleagues too prudent;
A lady from Med
Stretched her length on his bed,
And said “Please, if you would,” but he wouldn’t!
Strabismus
Poor Hilda Jones has a strabismus,
But worse still has bad vaginismus.
She doesn’t mind morally
Doing it orally,
Though she has terrible trismus!
Varicose veins
A young vascular surgeon would sigh
When his mistress’s body was nigh,
For her nightie, diaphenous,
Showed the long saphenous
Varicose vein on her thigh.
Penile prosthesis
If your organ of pleasure’s prosthetic,
Of plastic or other synthetic;
Take care when you use it,
And never abuse it;
Be active, but not energetic!
Syphilis
For one fit of lust, though paroxysmal,
The poor fellow’s life was made dismal;
For this he can thank her,
His primary chancre,
And aortic arch aneurysmal.
Lung cancer
If you suffer from excess mitosis,
Dyspnoea, clubbed fingers and ptosis,
Take whisky all day,
in the usual way,
And who knows? You might die of cirrhosis.
Honeymoon cystitis
Her urgent and hot micturition
Her doctor put down to coition;
To lessen the trauma
He said keep it warmer,
And ordered a change of position.
Torn meniscus
My friend, Lucy has torn a meniscus,
Through throwing the hammer and discus;
She also takes drugs,
And it hurts when she hugs;
She’s a muscular lady, with whiskers.
Involutional melancholia
Involutional-type melancholia
Often turns old ladies holier,
Dreaming of nights
Of forbidden delights,
‘Neath their parents’ old oak or magnolia.
Surgery
By surgeon, what’s commonly meant
Is a dextrous, meticulous gent,
Who applies to one’s skin
Objects pointed and thin,
With presumed therapeutic intent.