An attractive young lady from Cheltenham
Wore jeans and looked terribly svelte in ‘em.
The fit was ungodly,
They made her walk oddly:
She liked, though, the way that she felt in ‘em!
Feeling the music
Miss Augusta has chosen the cello,
Not just for its timbre so mellow,
But also because,
‘Midst encores and applause,
She can fancy she’s straddling a fellow!
Tropic island
My idea of transcendent calm
Is to lie ‘neath a coconut palm,
Sipping milk from the nut,
With my hand on the butt,
Of the hula-girl under my arm.
Guessing game
Within decency’s scrupulous bounds,
When a girl flaunts her huge buxom mounds,
It’s quite fun to assay,
By what methods one may,
Their net weight in both kilos and pounds.
Feathered friend
An old maid called Elizabeth Barrett,
Dines Saturday nights with her parrot,
On sunflower seeds
And a salad of weeds,
And a nice economical claret.
Less is more
It was not her short dress that appealed
Nor even the charms it revealed
The thing that I find
Occupying my mind
Is the part that it barely concealed!
A shuttered existence
An old lady, her heart all aflutter,
Peeks out every night through her shutter,
In wicked delight
At the sensuous sight
Of the dogs making love in the gutter.
Do unto others, then split
Should you have a risque or lewd thought,
You may do what you wish, and you ought,
Because not doing so
Is no fun, as you know,
Therefore do, but by God, don’t get caught!
Buying votes
Said a militant young suffragette,
“Women cook and keep house and beget:
Should you give us the vote,
We would faithfully dote,
And be constantly willing and wet!”
Swimmers
There’s a miniscule worm, called the sperm,
Which, by virtue of wriggle and squirm,
After penile emission,
May come to fruition,
As someone of whom it’s the germ.