pete – Page 37 – Pete's Limericks

She could feel it in her waters

“It was thisss long, and thick as my wrist!
I said OK then, if you insist!”
She exclaimed with a grin.
“I got most of it in,
But it hurt for a week when I pissed!”

A bit Irish

“Put yer panties back on, ya big sook!
Ain’t no harm in just havin’ a look!”
He said. “I showed ya mine!
Ya don’t want a root? Fine!
Fook off then! I don’t give a damn fook!”

Golf widow

A golf widow, a bit of a nutter,
Thought “Fuck him! I’ll fuck with his putter!”
She stole it that night,
And took wicked delight,
Getting off on it, greased with some butter!

Beard rash

Though he knows that her pleasure would double,
To lick her cunt seems too much trouble.
God knows, he’s well hung!
Why risk cramp of the tongue,
And a rash from her damn pussy stubble?

In depth analysis

A bit emo, a screamer and weeper,
But still, as fucks go, she’s a keeper!
Despite all the noise,
You can tell she enjoys
Being slammed into harder and deeper!

The unspeakable

A small sin, just a slight moral lapse,
A small act of rebellion perhaps.
She’d kissed … never mind who,
And gone down on him too,
And quite possibly (fill in the gaps).

The romantic arts

Her damn love life was all fits and starts!
She’d allowed men to touch bits and parts,
Touched that part of them too!
Well, what more could she do?
Men cared more about girls’ tits than hearts!

Kiss a frog, anyone?

Fast becoming a sexual hermit,
Plain luckless and fuckless, a Kermit,
He could have used whores
But he didn’t because …
It lacked… romance, he guessed you could term it.

Jack and Jill

As the day dragged on, stifling a yawn,
“Serves me right, staying up until dawn,”
She thought. “Wish I’d been drunk,
Getting screwed by some hunk,
Not at home, jilling off, watching porn!”