It’s the nature of women to bleed,
From the place whence I thought they just peed,
And this versatile slot
Is the very same spot
Where a man, if he can, squirts his seed!
Month: December 2024
Quirk of fate
An old codger stared deep in his beer,
Beset by irrational fear,
That some quirk of fate
Made him fancy his mate,
And he might, without knowing, be queer!
Tell him he’s dreaming
On the whole it seems best to avoid
Any hint of acceptance of Freud:
There’s a lingering stink
About Sigmund, I think,
Of the faeces with which he once toyed.
Fidelity
A past mistress I fondly admired,
Proclaimed, and I think it inspired:
Boring fidelity
Leaves, in reality,
Lots to be greatly desired.
Res ipso loquitur
Though her parents had preached Doctor Spock at her,
The first man who brandished his cock at her
Was whisked into bed,
Not a single word said!
As the lawyers say, res ipso loquitur!
The juice
The ubiquitous, urbane solicitor
In fact’s just a plan fact eliciter.
The actual work
Is done by his clerk,
Bar the juicier jobs, or illiciter.
Housewife
An obsessive young housewife, called Lizzie,
For fucking was often too busy.
Her husband, distraught,
Took the matter to court,
And was granted forthwith, decree nisi.
Harassment
Since he’d badgered and bothered and harrassed her
Miss Darcy dined out with her barrister,
But her moral beliefs
Meant the sight of his briefs
Didn’t rouse her, but rather embarrassed her.
Truncheon
“I’ve been raped!” she exclaimed when he found her,
To Constable Murphy, the bounder,
Who broke up the mob,
And then finished the job,
With his seven-inch-long quarter-pounder!
Contra deal
An unscrupulous lawyer called Crewes
Made an offer she couldn’t refuse,
To a girl on her knees,
Who could not pay his fees,
And had nought but her virtue to lose.