Though she loudly proclaimed it a miracle,
Those of us more, say, empirical
Never believed
She had chastely conceived:
She was just a damned slut, and hystirical!
Tag: religion
Pitch imperfect
From the Church of the Blessed Saint Joan,
There was heard most distinctly a moan,
Which, to judge from the pitch,
Meant some blasphemous bitch
Would have plenty for which to atone!
Sabbath stroll
On a Sunday in March, Bishop Fry
No-one knows but the Lord perhaps, why,
Was observed in the Strand
With his dick in his hand,
Mumbling “What a good fellow am I!”
Oh brother!
A young fellow, enrolled in Divinity,
Talks about God and infinity,
Late, though, at night
He seeks carnal delight;
A great sin and, what’s more, consanguinity!
Divine comedy
A young catholic girl grew depressed,
Despite prayer, and the faith she professed,
For she had carnal thoughts,
And of such depraved sorts,
And they made her feel hot and distressed.
She began to feel she was possessed,
She had dreams about rape and incest,
And she woke in the night,
Flushed with guilt and delight,
By the things with which she was obsessed.
She knew well what the church teachings stressed,
About temptations sent as a test,
But the things that she dreamed
And her fantasies seemed
To be worse than what might be confessed!
Though a pure heart beat in her breast,
Her breasts ached to be kissed and caressed!
To her mortification,
She found masturbation
At least gave relief and and some rest.
In the mirror she saw, when undressed,
She’d been quite undeniably blessed,
With a bosom and thighs
Of such smoothness and size,
She imagined men might be impressed!
So perhaps it was God’s little jest,
Having charms to compare with the best,
And all gone to such waste,
If she might never taste
Of the pleasures of which she just guessed!
Lay
A priest’s thoughts should revolve round the deity.
Church life, however, lacks gaity.
Many, I hear,
And more too, I fear,
Share secular joys with the laity.
Vocational guidance
Said Kathleen, in the darkened confessional,
“God forgive me! My needs are obsessional!
Said the Father, “My child,
When the flesh runs thus wild,
Give some thought to becoming professional.”
Extenuation
“Bless me, Father,” said Claire at confession,
“For weakness and sin and transgression,
But heavens above,
I fuck only for love!
Do you think God might make some concession?”
All in the family
A young man at confession confessed,
To the damnable sin of incest.
Said the Father, “My son,
‘Tis a foul thing you’ve done:
Tell me more of her snowy white breast!”
Celibacy
On account of his sinful condition,
A priest is, by strict definition,
Through sleeping alone,
Inescapably prone
To the nocturnal sin of emission.