An old lady, her heart all aflutter,
Peeks out every night through her shutter,
In wicked delight
At the sensuous sight
Of the dogs making love in the gutter.
Tag: limerick
Do unto others, then split
Should you have a risque or lewd thought,
You may do what you wish, and you ought,
Because not doing so
Is no fun, as you know,
Therefore do, but by God, don’t get caught!
Buying votes
Said a militant young suffragette,
“Women cook and keep house and beget:
Should you give us the vote,
We would faithfully dote,
And be constantly willing and wet!”
Swimmers
There’s a miniscule worm, called the sperm,
Which, by virtue of wriggle and squirm,
After penile emission,
May come to fruition,
As someone of whom it’s the germ.
Niche market
‘Twixt the thighs of a maid, there’s a slit,
In whose folds, and a marvelous fit,
Is a welcoming niche,
Wherein, should a man wish,
He can push his prick, if she’ll permit.
Value for money
Said a species of sexual scholar,
“Look always for sex amidst squalor:
The lower class whore
Is inclined to do more,
Hence one gets much more sex for one’s dollar.”
Starting and finishing
Mrs Bradley professed a revulsion,
For lubricant gel or emulsion:
It might help get started,
But what if she farted?
It might cause the organ’s expulsion.
Waxing lyrical
A young woman these days can’t relax
Unless made-up and styled to the max,
And if by good luck
She hooks up for a fuck,
God forbid she’s forgotten to wax!
Girls wax not only legs, but their arms,
And bikini-lines, eyebrows and palms,
Anywhere, everywhere
That a hint of a hair
Might detract from their natural charms.
Perhaps hairless they feel more pure,
Not being a girl, Im not sure…
Or, smooth as a baby,
They might think that maybe
They somehow have greater allure.
Do they plan to go on till they’re grannies,
With waxing their nooks and their crannies?
Men don’t frown a bit,
When it comes down to it,
Upon girls with nice soft hairy fannies.
Wild oats
“I’ll oblige,” said Marie, and I quote,
“Should a chap wish to sow a wild oat:
It may well mean divorce,
Or a baby of course,
But the chances are pretty remote.”
Mars, God of War
How I dread what the gods preordain us,
That the orbits of Mars and Uranus
Determine one’s fate:
If a man’s a man’s mate,
Or just wants to get into your anus.