“I’ll oblige,” said Marie, and I quote,
“Should a chap wish to sow a wild oat:
It may well mean divorce,
Or a baby of course,
But the chances are pretty remote.”
Tag: limerick
Mars, God of War
How I dread what the gods preordain us,
That the orbits of Mars and Uranus
Determine one’s fate:
If a man’s a man’s mate,
Or just wants to get into your anus.
The middle
I’m intrigued, watching girls when they piddle:
So many things meet in the middle,
But what comes from where,
Underneath that lush hair
I confess remains mostly a riddle.
In lieu
When your library book’s overdue,
And a fine has begun to accrue,
If you meet after dark
With the library clerk,
You can quite often screw her in lieu.
Conjugal rights
When the washing-up’s done, on most nights,
My wife gives me my conjugal rights:
She gives me head beautifully,
Fucks with me dutifully,
Wipes up, and turns out the lights.
Glib
Said a spoilt young boy to his nanny,
“Pray tell me why girls have a fanny.”
His nanny, bemused,
Said “The Lord got confused:
Aren’t the ways of God simply uncanny!”
Erogenous zones
Once I had a wild lover called Joan,
Who knew every erogenous zone.
She would stimulate mine,
Which was perfectly fine,
Then we’d both get to work on her own.
It’s a fact ladies often bemoan,
That their needs remain mostly unknown,
Yet the man in the street
Can put women on heat
With a few clever tricks, when once shown.
Men and boys, thrill your girl to the bone!
Ladies, pair up, or practise alone!
Learn the places to touch,
And with what, and how much,
To elicit that orgasmic moan.
Mammaries
The remarkable mammary gland,
The exposure of which was once banned,
Can be used as an udder
Or make grown men shudder
By just lying there in their hand.
The spirit is willing
The flesh weakens, sometime after forty:
Your penis grows wrinkled and warty.
Erections are fewer,
Their timing unsure,
Your thoughts, nonetheless, are still naughty!
Pearl jam
There’s a beautiful sad evanescence,
A poignant pique in tumescence:
One moment of rapture
We cannot recapture,
Then nought but a sticky excrescence.