There’s a drug from the plant bougainvillea
Which alters your internal milieu;
Take it in tea
And you’ll publicly pee,
Take your clothes off, or something far sillier!
Enigma
An age-old enigma has been
Whether kidneys came first or the bean;
In answer the best is
They both look like testes,
The description of which is obscene.
Analgesic nephropathy
A young housewife who ate APCs
And whose kidneys have died by degrees,
Lives on haemodialysis
And sends for analysis
Whatever, whenever she pees.
Aortic stenosis
One’s pulse may become anacrotic,
Which doesn’t mean quaint or quixotic;
It means that you’re ill,
You can tell by the thrill,
And your poor old aorta’s stenotic.
Miss Moxham
Said Miss Moxham, appealingly yawning,
“I wake up so horny each morning:
You’d better watch out
And not wave it about,
Or you’ll find yourself fucked without warning!”
Cherry liquer
Having got herself drunk, but not very,
On one little glassful of sherry,
She cheekily giggled,
And sexily wriggled,
And offered the waiter her cherry!
Tully
A disgusting young fellow from Tully
Made love to a girl in a gully:
Though damn poor excuse,
She was known to be loose,
And had no reputation to sully!
City girls
City girls have tattoos on their tits
And gold rings in their nipples and clits;
They give blow-jobs in bars,
Don’t wear knickers or bras,
And their jeans slide up into their slits.
City life is all sex, booze and glitz:
Every party’s a sexual blitz.
City girls love to drink,
Then they flirt and they wink,
Lift their skirts and expose their pink bits.
City girls wear short dresses with slits;
You can see a girl’s snatch when she sits.
They all shave round their cunts,
They’ll try anything once,
And they’ll fuck a chair-leg, if it fits.
City girls don’t know when to say quits;
Rules and etiquette give them the shits.
Ask a girl for a screw
And she’ll say “Yeah, you’ll do,
Though I know I’m a slut,” she admits.
Tickets on herself
She cried “Oh! It’s the absolute ticket!
Wherever you want, you can stick it!
And if it gets shitty,
Just wipe on my titty,
Or if you prefer, I could lick it!”
Teddi
There’s a horny young lady called Teddi,
Whose morals are somewhat unsteady:
She always resists,
But if someone insists,
She’ll say yes, and have wet pants already!