The remarkable muscovy duck
Has perfected the aerial fuck:
By aligning their slots
At the right speed, in knots,
It’s no longer a matter of luck!”
Month: December 2024
Socket tester
Said a smug electrician, called Crockett,
“I’ve something right here in my pocket,
The big end of which
Will delightfully twitch,
When I plug it snug into your socket!”
Elementary
Holmes said “Watson, we have here a clue:
As to who perpetrated this screw.
I can tell by the smell
Of this seminal gel
That the rapist was seven feet two.”
Boredom
When your sex-life’s become a big bore,
There are options one ought to explore,
Such as fantasy roles,
Trying different holes,
Public places, new partners and more!
Try a threesome one night with a whore,
Try positions you’ve not tried before!
The perversions are fun,
You may find, when once done:
Don’t be shy, lighten up, break the law!
Alley cat
Though it looked much too big for her belly,
By using petroleum jelly,
Determined to screw it,
Before she quite knew it,
She found it was right up her alley!
Stopper
There was nothing at which she would baulk,
Given just a short string and a cork:
What was simply retrieved
Thus, she firmly believed,
A fool-proof way of thwarting the stork.
The shape of things to cum
A young lady with features angelic
Got off on most anything phallic:
Paint-brushes or pencils,
Or kitchen utensils
And dildos of wood or metallic.
Maidenhead
In the past, when a woman was wed,
She’d be later escorted to bed,
And the stained wedding sheet
Would be hung in the street,
As a proof she was virgin, and bled.
Though all knew the bride’s blood must be shed
Many brides, I suspect, and it’s said,
Fooled their husbands, of course,
With some raspberry sauce,
Or some wine, or most anything red.
Wishes do come true
There’s a friendly young lady called Trish,
You can have whensoever you wish,
And it’s many a night,
That it’s been my delight,
To bed down in her downy soft niche!
Night and day
When a lady at breakfast looks tired,
And less than discreetly attired,
It’s a dead give-away,
In fact, mere child’s play,
To deduce what in darkness transpired!