If one’s heart’s prone to fast fibrillation,
Erotic or lewd titillation
Is out of the question,
As well as congestion
Of organs, by hand or fellation.
Subclavian steal syndrome
I was just reaching out for a feel,
To see if her bosom was real;
I’d just gotten hold,
When I fainted, out cold!
I’d been struck by subclavian steal.
Carnification
On percussion, a man from Estonia
Was found to sound stonier and stonier;
First an innocent shiver,
Then lungs turned to liver,
They diagnosed lobar pneumonia.
Diverticula
Given time we all get diverticula,
In lower large bowel, in particular.
They’re also in bladder,
In men who once had a
Large prostate. They’re never testicular.
Hernia
It seems to me plainly deducible,
One’s hernia may be reducible,
Yet nevertheless
Make one’s sex life a mess;
It does make one so much less seducible.
Pediculosis pubis
Should you harbour the dreaded crab-louse,
From a visit to some sinful house,
See your local GP,
Who’ll prescribe DDT,
For yourself and your mistress and spouse.
Thrombo-embolism
An old woman, confined to her cot,
Then developed a bit of a clot,
Or I should say, thrombosis,
And which, I suppose, is
The reason her lung’s in this pot.
Circumcision
One should not undertake circumcision,
Except with the utmost precision;
A negligent slip
Of the knife round the tip
Leaves one precious small chance of revision!
Scleroderma
There was a young lady from Burma
Whose breasts became firmer and firmer,
Her skin, too, was tight,
And her hands were a fright;
The poor lass, alas, had scleroderma.
Transillumination of breast lumps
Any girl with a lump in her breast,
Perhaps found when said breast is caressed,
If it shrinks from the light,
Though the thought turn her white,
Should, by rights , get the thing off her chest.