There was a young lady from Burma
Whose breasts became firmer and firmer,
Her skin, too, was tight,
And her hands were a fright;
The poor lass, alas, had scleroderma.
Category: G
For general consumption
Transillumination of breast lumps
Any girl with a lump in her breast,
Perhaps found when said breast is caressed,
If it shrinks from the light,
Though the thought turn her white,
Should, by rights , get the thing off her chest.
Tryst
She’d gone out on the heath for a ramble,
In hope they might meet, a sly gamble.
They did, indeed, too…
No-one saw, no-one knew,
And they kissed… which was just the preamble!
Frog prince 2
“Right away I knew somethin’ was wrong…
Clammy lips, and his tongue was so long!”
She said. (Gargle, spit, rinse).
“No, he weren’t no damn prince,
Just some smooth-talkin’ frog, all along!”
Diner
The gal’s easy enough on the eye,
When he studies her, just on the sly.
He comes in there most days,
But just orders and pays,
Takes his time over coffee and pie.
To everything there is a seasoning
The redoubtable Catherine of Aragon
Noble and virtuous paragon,
Banished and spurned!
Had the tables been turned,
She’d have roasted him, seasoned with tarragon!
It is what it is
Life proceeds in fits starts, bolts and flashes;
For lovers’ tiffs, intimate rashes,
Whatever life brings,
The sweet pleasures, the stings,
Embrace all! Soon it’s ashes to ashes!
In praise of pheromones
Those perfumes and colognes that they sell,
If you ask me, don’t work all that well.
Spice and floral bouquets
Are quite nice, in their ways,
But I’d rather girls’ natural smell!
It’s an ill wind
In the ’60s, a time of austerity,
Girls showed their lack of prosperity
Right where it hurts
Wearing tight little skirts,
A delightful effect for posterity!
Love and lust
Love and lust; the line’s quite indistinct,
Blurred and stretched, often jagged and kinked.
Is love more in the mind,
Lust more brutish? You’ll find
They’re, of course, inextricably linked.