When your apex beat’s nought but a tap,
And your first sound is loud, like a slap,
Your diastoles rumble,
Your pulse is a jumble,
Your mitral valve parts with a snap!
Category: G
For general consumption
Varicose veins
A young vascular surgeon would sigh
When his mistress’s body was nigh,
For her nightie, diaphenous,
Showed the long saphenous
Varicose vein on her thigh.
Torn meniscus
My friend, Lucy has torn a meniscus,
Through throwing the hammer and discus;
She also takes drugs,
And it hurts when she hugs;
She’s a muscular lady, with whiskers.
Involutional melancholia
Involutional-type melancholia
Often turns old ladies holier,
Dreaming of nights
Of forbidden delights,
‘Neath their parents’ old oak or magnolia.
Surgery
By surgeon, what’s commonly meant
Is a dextrous, meticulous gent,
Who applies to one’s skin
Objects pointed and thin,
With presumed therapeutic intent.
Ocular foreign bodies
If perchance you are caught in a gust
And your eye is insulted by dust,
Although God knows it’s tryin’
Thank God it ain’t iron,
Which tends to get in there and rust.
Fundoscopy
The world of the ocular fundus
Is eighth of the natural wonders;
It’s only plain prudence
For medical students
To know of things in there that stunned us.
Though your sightseeing tour be brisk,
Skirt the edges, it’s well worth the risk;
See the much-discussed macula,
Though not spectacular;
Certainly, don’t miss the disc!
Carnification
On percussion, a man from Estonia
Was found to sound stonier and stonier;
First an innocent shiver,
Then lungs turned to liver,
They diagnosed lobar pneumonia.
Diverticula
Given time we all get diverticula,
In lower large bowel, in particular.
They’re also in bladder,
In men who once had a
Large prostate. They’re never testicular.
Thrombo-embolism
An old woman, confined to her cot,
Then developed a bit of a clot,
Or I should say, thrombosis,
And which, I suppose, is
The reason her lung’s in this pot.