When it comes to the dread halitosis,
The reason, I’m led to suppose, is
Neglect of the gums
Or the licking of bums
Or else tonsillar lymphoid necrosis.
Category: AO
Adults only
Obstetrics and gynaecology
Oh the joys of the old obs and gynae!
The lovely introitus vaginae,
The labia minor,
That frame the vagina,
The whole thing, rosaceous and shiny!
Stool examination
If you’re one of those misguided fools
With a perverse obsession with stools,
If you must prod and sniff,
Then it’s preferable if
You at least wait until the stuff cools.
Atrial fibrillation
If one’s heart’s prone to fast fibrillation,
Erotic or lewd titillation
Is out of the question,
As well as congestion
Of organs, by hand or fellation.
Subclavian steal syndrome
I was just reaching out for a feel,
To see if her bosom was real;
I’d just gotten hold,
When I fainted, out cold!
I’d been struck by subclavian steal.
Hernia
It seems to me plainly deducible,
One’s hernia may be reducible,
Yet nevertheless
Make one’s sex life a mess;
It does make one so much less seducible.
Pediculosis pubis
Should you harbour the dreaded crab-louse,
From a visit to some sinful house,
See your local GP,
Who’ll prescribe DDT,
For yourself and your mistress and spouse.
Enigma
An age-old enigma has been
Whether kidneys came first or the bean;
In answer the best is
They both look like testes,
The description of which is obscene.
Aortic stenosis
One’s pulse may become anacrotic,
Which doesn’t mean quaint or quixotic;
It means that you’re ill,
You can tell by the thrill,
And your poor old aorta’s stenotic.
Miss Moxham
Said Miss Moxham, appealingly yawning,
“I wake up so horny each morning:
You’d better watch out
And not wave it about,
Or you’ll find yourself fucked without warning!”