An imprudent young girl used a key
As a do-it-yourself IUD,
And with this poor immunity,
Screwed with impunity…
George, her small son, is now three.
Category: AO
Adults only
Behcet’s Syndrome
There’s a disease going round Istanbul,
Which I mean to describe here in full;
It affects, just between us,
The eyes, mouth and penis
Of Ahmed, Hassim and Abdul.
They have terrible ulcers and sores,
Which were caught, they had thought from the whores,
But it’s since been decided,
Their doctor confided,
That Behcet’s disease is the cause.
They all have a leucocytosis,
And Ahmed’s developed a ptosis;
Hassim spends all day
Eating charcoal and clay,
And Abdul has a sort of psychosis.
There’s trouble as well with their eyes,
For their retinal vessels leak dyes;
They have large joint arthritis
And thrombophlebitis;
Their gangrenous feet attract flies.
Hypertension
When your blood pressure starts to get high,
As it may, without telling us why,
It will wear out your heart,
You may bleed when you fart,
And one day unexpectedly die!
Halitosis
When it comes to the dread halitosis,
The reason, I’m led to suppose, is
Neglect of the gums
Or the licking of bums
Or else tonsillar lymphoid necrosis.
Obstetrics and gynaecology
Oh the joys of the old obs and gynae!
The lovely introitus vaginae,
The labia minor,
That frame the vagina,
The whole thing, rosaceous and shiny!
Stool examination
If you’re one of those misguided fools
With a perverse obsession with stools,
If you must prod and sniff,
Then it’s preferable if
You at least wait until the stuff cools.
Atrial fibrillation
If one’s heart’s prone to fast fibrillation,
Erotic or lewd titillation
Is out of the question,
As well as congestion
Of organs, by hand or fellation.
Subclavian steal syndrome
I was just reaching out for a feel,
To see if her bosom was real;
I’d just gotten hold,
When I fainted, out cold!
I’d been struck by subclavian steal.
Hernia
It seems to me plainly deducible,
One’s hernia may be reducible,
Yet nevertheless
Make one’s sex life a mess;
It does make one so much less seducible.
Pediculosis pubis
Should you harbour the dreaded crab-louse,
From a visit to some sinful house,
See your local GP,
Who’ll prescribe DDT,
For yourself and your mistress and spouse.