If afflicted with genital thrush,
Try an old-fashioned vinegar flush;
If the itch is exquisite,
When friends come to visit,
Scratch boldly, don’t fidget or blush!
Month: December 2024
Mitral stenosis
When your apex beat’s nought but a tap,
And your first sound is loud, like a slap,
Your diastoles rumble,
Your pulse is a jumble,
Your mitral valve parts with a snap!
Varicocoele
Your pampiniform plexus is such
It may feel like worms to the touch;
Then your testis may shrink
As it does when you drink
For too long, or perhaps just too much.
Medical students
A certain young medical student
Was thought by his colleagues too prudent;
A lady from Med
Stretched her length on his bed,
And said “Please, if you would,” but he wouldn’t!
Strabismus
Poor Hilda Jones has a strabismus,
But worse still has bad vaginismus.
She doesn’t mind morally
Doing it orally,
Though she has terrible trismus!
Varicose veins
A young vascular surgeon would sigh
When his mistress’s body was nigh,
For her nightie, diaphenous,
Showed the long saphenous
Varicose vein on her thigh.
Penile prosthesis
If your organ of pleasure’s prosthetic,
Of plastic or other synthetic;
Take care when you use it,
And never abuse it;
Be active, but not energetic!
Syphilis
For one fit of lust, though paroxysmal,
The poor fellow’s life was made dismal;
For this he can thank her,
His primary chancre,
And aortic arch aneurysmal.
Lung cancer
If you suffer from excess mitosis,
Dyspnoea, clubbed fingers and ptosis,
Take whisky all day,
in the usual way,
And who knows? You might die of cirrhosis.
Honeymoon cystitis
Her urgent and hot micturition
Her doctor put down to coition;
To lessen the trauma
He said keep it warmer,
And ordered a change of position.